Sunday, June 10, 2007

Break up with your stuff

Farewell to you jeans, of waist size 32
Can you believe I used to fit into you?
That was a long time ago, when you used to fit
Now you cut off my circulation when I try to sit.
You actually press my butt flat, you're so tight
And the camel toe in's a hideous sight.
So I'll take you to a thrift shop, raise money for those in need
Though no one will look cuter in them than I did. No, indeed.

Goodbye to you, cell phone of area code 310
Which still I have--though I moved away from LA years ago.
I've accrued all these people who text me en masse
"Happy Earth Day!" and "You're so special to me!" It's such a pain in the ass.
Who are these strangers who claim to be such close friends?
They obviously don't know me, or those annoying texts would end.
If you promise not to mass-text my new number, I'll give it to you.
And with my old number gone, bill collectors will stop calling too!

Arreviderci, facial cleanser, from my beloved Kiehl's.
Now granted, after washing I do like how my skin feels--
But you don't clean like you used to, my skin's grown immune
And now my face becomes a big oily mess far too soon.
Please don't fret, it's not you--you worked well for a while
But the pimply-teenager look just isn't my style.
It's time to try Lancome, Estee Lauder, or Clinique
I should have a new cleanser by the end of the week.

One more thing to get rid of: these blue shoes are just vile.
Smell that stench? It's my feet after wearing them a while.
They're such great shoes, cute and comfy beyond all compare
When I walk on them it's like I'm floating on air.
But that air is beginning to smell really bad
Not to mention they're filthy and look generally sad.
But all good things must come to an end, as they say--
So I think my blue shoes have been worn their last day.

It's so refreshing to rid myself of all these things past
Wasn't it yesterday when I first got them? Time does move so fast.
But I don't need them anymore, they're just in the way,
And those jeans are still good. I'm sure someone will pay.
So farewell to you, things, it is time to move on.
Our time together, it's so sad, has at last come and gone.
So to all who are reading, you should open your drawers
And your closets and cabinets and toss that garbage of yours.

--by daniel renzi